Not All Italians Like Sex
by Misery Dane
Summary: Lovino and Antonio have been kind of a stall on the sex front for a few years, as in its never happened. And to Antonio's surprise likely never will as Lovino turns out will not ever have sex. Ever. This is a shocker to his boyfriend, since it is Antonio and could not think of someone not wanting sex. But is willing to try and understand for the sake of Lovino.
1. Sex? Why?

Antonio and Lovino had been together a long time. As not by human standards, for them it would have been much longer. Antonio being the angry Italians caregiver when he was younger, had originally made the whole 'I really want to date you' thing awkward, but they had pushed past it since it was them and many other nations even saw their relationship as ideal some how. It was a lot healthier than other relationships if you looked at them, but still. Currently, the couple was cooking for their anniversary, they had stopped doing it every year, but rather every second year, after 50 years of being together, it seemed a bit much doing to every year. Well… Antonio was cooking, Lovino was sipping a coffee watching his partner dance around the room adding spices and singing to the radio occasionally. Suddenly the room got quiet, and the Spaniard stopped dancing. This alarmed the Italian and he perked up looking over to the man who was at the stove, not even humming anymore, making a small hum sound himself to ask what was the matter. Antonio was rarely quiet, only when something was bothering him.

He watched his boyfriend look over his shoulder at him and press his lips together in this subtle way he always did when he wanted to ask something, Lovino wasn't as blind as the happy go lucky man he called his after all and noticed these tiny things, he had done it when he first asked him out, the time he asked if Lovino could move back in, and so on. All the major talks they had had together over the years, that was the face he gave. "What is it?" The smaller one asked, his voice almost shaking as he asked with words this time. "You're not going to propose are you ya idiota?" he added, proud his voice wasn't trembling as much as that face made him want too. A flash of a smile came from the Spaniard and he shook his head, turned around to lean on a nearby counter across the room from his love. "No, just… Something has been bugging me." The other rolled his eyes when he heard that, he couldn't help it. "No _duhhhh._ " he scoffed and waved a little with his free hand, the other still holding the cup of coffee though it was tiny and now empty. "I meant, what is it?" He mumbled almost frowning at the man, but if he had he would have to pay him a euro every time he did since it was a special day. The Spaniard seemed awkward and shy all of a sudden, crossed legs and closed off arms, though before the nation talked he rubbed the back of his neck. "Just… I think it's odd that feli lost his… ugh.. v card? Before for you did. I mean look at you!"

Now, if lovino wasn't on good behavior because Antonio was keeper of the food, he would have exploded but for the time being he swallowed it and took a breath. "and why does that matter?" He asked through gritted teeth. "that not really what's bugging you is it?" He didn't believe that it was but he had to ask because Antonio was an _idiot_. "Not particularly, those fucking potato eaters are perverts and Feliciano doesn't know how to say no." He said like it was the most obvious thing ever, still looking at the pot of food instead of his boyfriend. Remembering how upset he was when Feliciano had told him... Who looses it to a three-some anyway? He shivered in disgust. But not at just the idea of his brother doing _that_ , but even the idea of doing _that_. He couldn't stand even the idea of sex, love making, screwing, whatever you wanted to call it. It was gross! You have this thing, you piss out of, and put it in something.. or have it up in you. Sounds weird and gross right? However, he was dating Antonio, someone who he knew had a lot of experience in that area before they started dating, and would likely want to get there at some point themselves. But he couldn't! He simply figured something had fucked him over in the head, to many bullets to the head in wars maybe?

It all felt gross and weird to him. In all honesty it took him months to get the idea of kissing with tongue to be alright, even now it was a little weird to do in his mind. Which was why it took him so long to agree to go out with Antonio. Luckily was very patient. "No! I just... Keep wondering why, we haven't… " and from then on it was shy mumbles and shrugged. At least Lovino knew where he had gotten it from. But the anger was only growing in the Italian. "Haven't _what_?" he hissed to him now. A worry in the pit of his stomach growing bigger now.

"Haven't done more than make out!" the Spaniard blurted out, which caused the Italian to forget his cup and walked over to him, glaring now. It wasn't a frown, it was a glare so no money was lost.

"That's not what you really mean is it?" he asked still hissing his words his anger seeping into voice and even his body language at this point. "You just want to fuck!? God I shouldn't known!" The brunette said moving his arms around in a rage until the other held onto him to get him to calm down. "No no no, just… _more than make out_." the Spanish nation attempted to explain.

"So fuck?"

"If you want?"

"No!"

"Than no I don't! I just want to know!"  
The couple wasn't so good at explaining personal feelings to each other, or rather Lovino wasn't and Antonio couldn't take a hint. It was the nature of their whole relationship.

As Antonio held the other in his arms waiting for him to calm down by getting a series of swears out of his system and useless struggling, he attempted to find the correct words. "I just… Noticed that I'm always taking care of myself after we make out and you don't have to. I am starting to get worried you don't actually like me that way.." He said getting it off his chest, he knew the man would get angry for being stupid or something similar to that, but he needed this off of him. He hated when he was insecure, he was the adult here even if Lovino never really saw that.

The Italian was still overly tense and he gulped. "That's because I don't." He said coldly, more so than he had meant to be. He than felt arms slip from the grip they had around him, suddenly being free from the other man's grasp despite the argument not being over. This was odd, but when he looked at antonio he seemed utterly depressed all of a sudden. Like his heart could had been broken. A silence hung over them a moment as Antonio backed away from Lovino, as if he had told him he was hated.

"If you just where with me to fuck than you should have given up long ago!" the Italian shouted and waved his arms around assuming the worst. About to go upstairs and start packing or whatever he could have done, he was stopped when Antonio laughed.

"What? Lovi, I love you lots. I just am upset you don't think I am hot. I mean, you're soooo hot… Did you want to sleep with someone else than?" This making the younger nation stop in his tracks. "No…" Lovino whispered almost to himself, but knew it was loud enough to hear. "I don't want to sleep with anyone. You fucking idiot." He sighed this time, talking gradually louder to a normal volume. He bit the inside of his cheek quickly before he took a breath. "I-I…" It was the worst secret he had.

"I can't stand sex." He managed to say, he swore he could hear his nonno cursing him from wherever the old man had ended up. He was Italian after all! His life should be pleasing lovers and sex and making but and being hot as hell. It was in his blood, in his culture, his own being. At least it should have been..


	2. Broken(?)

Antonio was having a bit of trouble in that moment, not that he would leave his love because of a reason as stupid as a lack of sex at the time. But… How could someone not stand sex?!

He stood there thinking a moment, just trying to get it. But it couldn't click in his head at all, love making was the best way to show someone you loved someone. The best way to be out of breath and to hold someone. The best way to kiss someone was during this. How could Lovino not want to be close like that to him? "Can I ask why not?" The Spaniard asked his usual calm and happy voice now a bit shaken as he looked at his boyfriend. He watched every little detail Lovino was giving out right than, all clues to maybe help explain it. He heard a sigh from the other nation and saw his mouth move a certain way that gave out his own insecurity. Did this bother him as much as it had bothered himself? "It's gross.." He heard, finally getting an answer.

Antonio watched him almost tear up, god he couldn't stand when Lovino cried… "Lovi, mi amor." He walked over and hugged him comfortingly. He stopped talking looking at him, wiping tears he saw roll down. "Why do you think it's gross?" Again, the Italian shifted in a way that showed how upset he was right than. People seemed to think Antonio didn't notice these things, but he did, he just ignored them unless it was times like this. When it was needed. A deep inhale from Lovino his eyes squeezed shut and blurted out "It's not just gross! I don't see the point!"

"The point Lovino," He cupped his partners face to make sure he didn't look away on the chance he opened his eyes. "Is I want to be close to you. I know it wouldn't be my first time, but _our_ first time would be magical. It wouldn't be gross or awful or whatever you think it would be to make you feel this way. It will be loving." He chuckled and put their foreheads together, ignoring the blurriness that now was Lovino. He just looked at the slowly opening hazel eyes in front of him now. "I will wait if that's what you need."

"But that's not what I need. I need to not have sex. It's gross, it's weird, it's useless, it's.. it's…" Another deep breath. "Hard to explain."

"Hey, it's ok." The Spaniard smiled and gave his boyfriend a kiss before pulling away just enough so he wasn't blurry anymore. "I can wait till you find your words. You've done the same for me after all." The Italian didn't look at him anymore, eyes open but planted to the ground than he sniffed. "Foods gunna burn…." Antonio nodded and let him go, giving another kiss to each of his cheeks before going to take the food out and serve it to plates. "I got it! I got it! It'll be amazing, I mean… It's not _your_ cooking, but I think I do pretty good." He chuckled without a response after a minute he looked back to him. "Lovi, te adoro." Giving a soft smile, luckily it was still returned. "Ohh~ and we're still watching the movie!" He added with a chip again, glad to see the smile. It had him worried for a moment.

The awkwardness lingered in the air for a few moments still. The secrets each had been trying to bottle up, out now and Antonio couldn't help but think maybe they should have let it age a bit more, until it wasn't on what should be one of the happiest days of every other year at least. But it was nice to have it off his chest, now he could try and fix it! Now he could get why Lovino refused to go any further than making out but he still didn't understand why Lovino would hate sex. Was something done to him? Did he have bad sex with someone else? Did to many shots to the head during a war break something? He hated thinking his Lovino might be broken, but his own mind couldn't understand why someone wouldn't want sex. And Lovino knew it.

Lovino had hated himself for not being able to love Antonio that way. He wanted to want to admire his boyfriends ass as more than just something pretty, or to understand why orgasm was needed after just a bit of making out even if some awkward grinding was involved. He honestly did! He wanted it so very very bad. But his stupid fucking head was against him, everything his nonno had talked about, everything his brother had, it didn't make sense to him! Why the hell would anyone want it? Why _didn't_ he?

He watched his boyfriend cook, hating he could never call him a lover. Antonio kept trying to make bad jokes and be sweet to make up for the fact that he didn't understand and Lovino didn't understand. And that one person in that room couldn't stand him. And that that person wasn't Antonio. Lovino slowly walked over to him and hugged the taller one from behind, putting his head on the Spaniards shoulder watching him now. "Wanna go make out after dinner? I'll give you lots of hickeys again, you like those don't you?" he asked almost mumbling shyly hugging him still. He loved listening to Antonio's laugh. Caramel like, comforting, what he needed when he truly wanted to jump off a bridge even though he knew it wouldn't help anything. "I would love that~" He sang and he was still soothing.

Somewhere along the way of Antonio finishing serving the plate and Lovino refusing to let him go, they ended up dancing in the kitchen. Music playing in the background though they didn't need it. Close and slow together, eyes locked only on each other. They were happy. In love as cheesy as it sounds. As they swayed together and Antonio would whisper things that made him laugh in his ear, it was like everything was going to be okay. They stopped dancing when Lovino stepped on his partners foot and refused to dance anymore because he got clumsy when he was hungry and a comment from Antonio jokingly asking if that way why he was always so clumsy. They ate and they were on the couch now, cuddling watching the godfather for maybe the 100th time.

* * *

 _A Note: Though there is a lot of talk about how Lovino may be fixed, how he is broken, or how Antonio could show him how sex is a wonderful thing. I would like to note that this is because a lot of people don't understand, or think this way. This is not true. No asexual, sex repulsed person or anyone on the ace spectrum is broken, needs fixing, needs to find the right person, or anything like that. If you are here to read a fanfic on someone over coming their asexuality because they found the right person, you may want to find another fanfic. Thank you._


	3. Hickeys At The Movies

The tension from before slowly melted away after dinner, a movie now playing though both parties knew every line and could probably preform it themselves at this point. But that wasn't the goal for tonight's movie viewing, it was more of a background noise for a make out session the two where in the middle of. It started out with just a few pecks between lines. Spooning on the couch in the dark, awkwardly attempting to kiss each other on the mouth this way, a few minutes in Antonio instead went to kiss his partners neck and upwards towards his ear soft and sweet kisses. But than he got distracted.

Lovino felt every tiny kiss to his skin, it easy to move into Antonio more to earn more of the kisses. A soft smile on his face for once rather than a frown. After he got board of just a few pecks to his neck the Italian rolled over to face him, looking at the green eyes in front of him. Seeming happier than ever, and so Lovino made sure he showed he felt the same in that very second. He planted a deeper kiss to the others lips, enough pressure to show he was overly happy with everything. Having forgotten to start out slower to make it last. This earned him a small chuckle still dripping in honey it was so sweet. "Shut up." Lovino broken the silence quick before he was kissed this time with the same passion.

This was what he was good at. Kissing and finding sweet spots on his boyfriends neck, giving him harsh hickeys on his tanned skin to mark him, being rather territorial of what was his. They awkwardly shuffled on the to small couch and Antonio was laying down on his back, Lovino looked at him as he straddled his hips and brushed hair out of the Spanish mans face. "Idiota." he mumbled with a stupid grin on his face and got a reply of "Tomate~" he couldn't help but laughed a little himself. This was the exact reason why they never went out on anniversaries. Lovino never felt quiet like he could be clingy and laugh and make out in public places, it just wasn't done! It had been drilled into his head long ago that being gay was bad, wanting to be with another man was bad. Punishable by death, by hell being brought upon you. It took a very long time for him to be able to go on a date in public with simple hand holding. Neither party wished to feel awkward today, so they stayed in to do cuddly activities. Or activities that meant Lovino biting down his boyfriends neck like he was currently doing.

Following the chain around Antonio's neck, he left a trail of hickeys and kisses. Every now and then when Antonio's breathing would differ he knew he found a sweet spot and would lick or suck at the spot enjoying the reaction it caused. He kept going further and further down, stopping when his shirt started and going back up the other side. For the most part ignoring wondering hands on his back inching slower in hope he didn't noticed. When getting to low he would kiss right below his ear and whisper "più alto~" lowly to him. Even though Lovino had no interest in sex, it was still funny to watch the man below him squirm at such things. From the licking at his neck to whispering in his ear, it was cute he thought that someone as strong as the great Spain could be shaken by simply blowing a certain spot on his neck. Not that he didn't have his own little spots that sent shivers up his spine, but he never saw himself in high regard but he did Antonio. Antonio was brave and strong and normal, all unlike him. That was the way he saw it at least. He pulled away from the mans neck to look at his boyfriend again, about to kiss his plump lips again but before he could get their lips to meet together Lovino heard his phone go off.

The ringtone made it clear he couldn't ignore the call so he sat up and answered the call. "Ciao?" He asked in a bit of a mumble, rightfully so. "This better be important Feli, I'm on a date." He added and brushed hair out of his own face quick. "Si! Si! I-I know! But um... You kinda the only person I trust with this and I have been panicking, I did hold my tongue for a long time! P-Promise...heheve~..." The shaky Italian had rambled on the other end and Lovino took an exaggerated deep breath for his brother to copy, a nonverbal way to say he needed to breath. Feliciano did just that. "Okay, Feli whats the matter?" He asked now that he took a few breaths. "um... well... So when you and Tonio make love h-have you ever...hehe... had a time where you gained a lot of weight and stuff? Or become more emotional a lot?" The voice asked going back to worried. "I know we don't talk about each others love life! And I know that's best! But I'm scared..."

Lovino rubbed his temples. "Feli, are you trying to ask if it's possible for you to get pregnant, because it sure sounds like that." He said and laughed when Antonio was attempting to roll them over so Lovino was on the bottom. "Toni not right now" he whispered and listened to his brother explain why he felt this way. "Fratello, your a man you can't bare a child. You only find other nation children remember? And unless your hiding some colony from our bosses who wants to become independent, that's not going to happen." He tried to keep his mind rational. "Did you take your medication today?" He asked as well and there was silence. "Why don't you go... do that okay, fratello? You will be fine, I'll be here until you feel that way." Lovino only ever put up a harsh shell of himself around people he didn't care for, such as his boyfriends friends, his brothers boyfriends, and anyone that wasn't inside his close group of people. He honestly was worried about his brother a lot, the poor thing had to loose two important people in his life after all. One dropping dead in front of both of them at one point, than the little brat that took way to long to die. So Feliciano developed this need for content reassurance, for someone to not leave him, and for Feliciano his brother was that person.

That was a big worry for both of them when they united, would the cultures of each part of the unified nation state be enough to make sure one or the other not to fade. Luckily this was correct, but it was still a worry. He ignored Antonio kissing at his own neck and hugging him at the moment, though it felt nice to be showered in kisses. He did this so not to seem like he was busy, sadly enough he understand the self hate and worry his brother felt a lot with everyone hating them. Except the two went to directions with it, Feliciano became an open worrier and clung to people. Lovino pushed them away, feeling it better to be alone if everyone hated you. But they understood each other, they where close in a way not even he knew Feli's boyfriends the German fuckers could understand. "Got it?" he heard a hum as a nod instead this time. "But um... Lovi? You didn't answer my question about you and Spain." he said shyly. "You didn't go threw this right? Not alone right?" Lovino sighed. "No, we haven't done... that yet okay? So you can help me out and ground me if it does. Fair?" He said, being nice about the whole trying to bud into his relationship thing. "Want me to come over tomorrow?" He asked a bit concerned.

"If it wouldn't be an issue..Si.."

"Of course it's not, it's fine. You are fine."

"Grazie, fratello. Ciao." his brother said and hung up, Lovino closed his phone.

Than looked back to the man who had been softly kissing his neck smiling up at him now since he had flipped them over. "Ciao. What's with that look?" He asked as he now cupped his face and mushed it a bit teasing the goofy grin the man had on, the way he looked in love. "Nothing!" The other chirped. "Just thinking, how funny Feli would be as a parent, how you would be." He chuckled and leaned down to nuzzle him. Lovino laughed at the very idea of himself being a big brother to some tiny nation. He shook his head and gave him a kiss. "Okay, you need to shut up now." he said and they went back to making out on the couch until the move was over.


	4. Friends tend to start fights

3 bottles of drinking after the movie and making out everything was a little shaky to Lovino, he stumbled up the stairs with Antonio helping him out and he laughed a little. "I should... be able to get up four fuckin' stairs eh?" He just thought it was so funny right than. He even walked into a door and he heard Antonio's laughter be just as loud. Once in the bedroom he had crawled onto the bed and laid on top of the sheets a moment, still dizzy but happily so. He laid there for a moment longer before kicking down the blanket as he felt the weight of Antonio get on his side of the bed and under the covers. Lovino than stripped, it being to hot with the three blankets on top of him. He got down to his boxers and than reached for his boyfriend slurring out that he loved him and ran his hands over Antonio's which where attempting to pull him closer, Antonio was still laughing his head off at something else. They both got still for a few minutes, the bed didn't shift at all, or it had and Lovino was to focused on not laughing to notice it. But than, he noticed he felt to warm, so layer by layer he tossed the blankets off, aiming for them to be as far away as possible from him. He thought the further away it was, the less hot he would feel. And than, he fell asleep.

Both half dressed, littered in marks from each other and buzzed off of the wine. They giggled themselves to sleep tangled in each others arms as they drifted off to sleep. Sent off to dream of other worlds with hearts lighter than they had been before without guarded guilt within them. It was peaceful for a few hours inside the house a rare event only happening while the couple slept, they where always loud when awake that being the reason why they lived in Antonio's house and not Lovino's apartment in Rome because the walls are way to thin and they often got complaints. Where Antonio's place was not inside the city but rather on a farm land still which was a bother for his friends but better since no one would complain about noise from so far away. It wasn't until the morning was the two disturbed by other voices.

Lovino slowly woke up warm due to being tangled with his boyfriend even despite the lack of a blanket on either of them and a upset stomach not happy with his decision on 1 and a half bottles of wine to himself the night before. He was about to mumbled about something to get Antonio up but than heard other voices in his room, which was cause of alarm and his first thing to do was throw a pillow at them, but Antonio had stolen them all as they had shifted around during the night so there was no hope of getting one. But than he had heard the phrase 'looks like Tonio finally got some' in a German accent which again set off an alarm. He finally opened his eyes and they stung for a moment since it was so bright in the room. Than his first action after sitting up still a tad dizzy from the night before he focused on the source of the words that had made him forget his urge to puke and rather a new urge to punch someones lights out. "excuse me?" He hissed a glare setting on the albino nation in front of him. He saw the blonde who was chuckling next to him get quiet and both bite their lip quick as if maybe they didn't move he would not see them. They stood their in stalemate for a few moments, Lovino glaring and the two frozen until Antonio sat up, rubbing his eyes like a child and looking at them just as sleepily. "Amigos? what are you doing here?" he asked and than yawned.

The two laughed awkwardly still being stared down. "Morning." The french one had said and took a breath. "We wanted to surprise you, and... um... seems like you two had fun is all." He smiled hoping that it was not crude enough to get a glare from the Spaniard as well. Prussia had nodded in addition "Ja, looks like you lost your excuse to complain huh man?" He asked with an awkward grin. Just than the glare of the grumpily woken Italian went to stare down Antonio. "What?" yet another hiss came from him, his temperature going up further than they had before and he got up getting his pants back on though he almost tripped doing so.

"Lovi I-"  
"Don't 'Lovi' me! God, I thought you actually could go without that bullshit. I hate lies!" He quickly got dressed and stormed out of the room and for dramatic effect he slammed the door after himself and stomped downstairs.

Antonio sighed and ran fingers threw his curls quick. "That was a nice way to wake up." He sighed and shut his eyes, taking in how much trouble he was. And it was true, before hand he had complained about the lack of sex he was getting. But he hadn't known that Lovino just didn't want it and that it wasn't something he was doing wrong. Who else was he going to ask that kind of stuff about to? Of course he went to his best friends. He felt Francis pat his shoulder. "Sorry ami. Gil hasn't had any coffee today, you know how brainless he can be." A gasp from Dilbert sounding offended was heard. "Excuse you, I am super brain-full!" He huffed, seriously wanting to think that had any meaning to it. This making Antonio laugh a little. "It's fine. It was going to come out at some point." he waved a little and stood up. "why are you here again?" he asked tiredly as he got his shirt on. "I don't think you'd want to help with weeding..." He tried to think but being half asleep and half hungover wasn't very good time to think. Francis laughed. "Non, we-" "We're here to take you out to have fun duh!" Gilbert never gave the other a chance to finish, he was to impatient. "Oh.. well sorry I don't think I will be able to go out today, I got a mess to clean up." He smiled but his friends saw it more of a sigh as if asking why they had to open their big mouths. "If you could leave it will really help." He asked and gave a small smile to them, still half asleep. At this point the blonde had covered Gilbert's mouth by force and nodded. "Of course! No issue, just text us when you want to come out. We miss hanging out." He said and dragged the Prussian out the door with him.

Antonio looked around the room and sighed, he had only been up 10 minutes, and he had to go fix Lovino's misconception of what had happened. Great. He put the blankets back on the bed and than went downstairs, heart sinking as he got closer and closer to the living room. He came down to see the Italian curled up on the couch hugging a pillow looking as though he was ready to cry. Another sigh was given to allow the nation to know he was there and than walked up to the couch, took a seat and smiled at him. "what you watching?" A pause. "A drama..." it was muffled into the pillow but Antonio understood, he nodded and looked to the screen. "With an idiot boyfriend who talked about a stupid issue with friends over drinks I take it?" he asked and from the corner of his eye he saw a small nod. "well.. that was stupid of him. why should he complain about that when they get to share underwear?" he tisked and shook his head. "It was simply stupid." Than a less muffled. "You're fucking stupid. Stupido." was heard and Antonio laughed and he nodded in agreement. "True... But I did honestly think that you just didn't think I was attractive, it was almost a month ago. It's not an excuse. It was me thinking you where going to dump me soon. Alright? I am sorry."


	5. Pirates Are Sluts

Lovino had felt sickeningly betrayed, how _**dare**_ Antonio talk about their sex life, or rather lack of, with his friends like that?! It felt like he had trusted the man with something so precious, and he just went drinking with his buddies and laughed about it. He couldn't even look them in the eyes, not knowing what they knew about him now. A hole in his trust in the man went away, he stormed out of the room and went to pace in the kitchen for a while. He ignored the cold sting of the tiles on his feet, he ignored the brightness of the kitchen, he ignored everything but his own spiral of thoughts about what else Antonio dared to complain about during drinking time with his friends. Had he told them other secrets thinking they were cute? Or worse... a nuisance? He could imagine it rather well, he always thought of them similar to a high school click.

If they all had the chance, they would have been the popular crew, they would be basically the mean girls. They gossiped a lot as it was after all. Going drinking after every world meeting to bitch about people, and Lovino usually could care less what Antonio did with his friends so much as he came home without harm done to him. Then his mind drifted off to the nights he had come home hurt, drunk, and had his friends drag him into the door. The times the pirate came home with wounds and the french nation told Lovino to change his bandages every now and then. But there were also nights he came home in another way. He thought about those days, those awfully lonely 'pirate days' as Antonio called it around other people.

"How much he drank, how many times he came home with some woman on his arm after not being home for months if not nearly a year. Lovino ignored it at the time because he wanted to flirt with prettier girls, but now he couldn't help but think how many time did he have sex? How had the many who would complain about going a few months without any on a ship because of a lack of woman there with his friends, go so long without asking for any from him?

"The Italian kept going down into this circle of over thinking for about 20 minutes until he went to the couch and curled up and hugged a pillow, turning on the TV to watch a soap or something. Not more than a minute later, he heard creaking on the stairs and the way it was paced he knew it was Antonio being hesitant and sorry. But he didn't care, he was still filled with rage and self-hate, he wasn't sure he could even speak to him. As he heard steps get closer, his heart gave up the tough guy act and he teared up. Of all the times, it chose now to break down. Antonio sat next to him, asked what he was watching and tried a stupid attempt to say sorry. Lovino couldn't help but roll his eyes to the whole thing. He paused the PVR and stared him down. Trying to be cold as possible, he added an 'I don't care if you're sorry.' To it and then un-paused the show watching it again. "Lovi..." was whispered from the Spanish nation next to him, "Your crying." Lovino got up after a pause and Antonio went to reach for him but Lovino's reflex's where faster. "SHUT UP YOU BASTARD!" Lovino had exploded suddenly and his light crying turned to almost sobbing he got up from the couch still holding onto the throw pillow and he glared still at Antonio. How dare he try to make it better, how dare he lie like that to his fucking face. How dare he!

Wet rage bubbles all through him, just filling him up more and more as he gritted his teeth attempting some restraint. Before Antonio could say something he repeated what he had said, but less loud and he gulped looking at him. "Just... How could you?" The Italian whispered it sounded so hurt. Like a cry slowly getting quieter as he finally let out the bottled up rage. He eventually glanced up with eyes full of tears to see Antonio's worried green eyes, concern and love in them but all Lovino had seen was guilt.

Lovino, I tried to expel-" He was interrupted by another burst. It felt like Lovino was a bottomless pit of anger. "HOW MANY PEOPLE?! How many people have you complained to about your lack of sex?! Why is it so fucking important to you!" He threw the pillow back to the couch. "I want to know the appeal of this shit! You are far from a virgin, explain! huh?!" He demanded answers and frowned at him waiting for them. He saw his boyfriend run fingers through his curls like he did when he was troubled and the small shake to his head. "Can I talk to explain?" he asked calmly after a moment. The Italian felt a spark of anger rise up again, but nodded and tapped his foot a little though he was still barefoot The Spaniard sighed and waved him over. "The appeal. To me at least, is I want to feel close to the person I love. I want to... Make them feel good, make _you_ feel good." His voice was a little shaky, not sure how to explain it. He tried to reach for Lovino's shaking hands but they where pulled away before given the chance. "Its... like giving something to you, something kind and warm and fulfilling," Antonio said a soft smile on his face now as he thought about it. "Is that so awful of me?" Than the question they both knew they would hate, Antonio hated _those_ days being brought up, However, Lovino was not being rational at the time, far from it.

"What about those girls huh? Those whores who you brought home after not coming home? What about those drunken talks about how you would rather not eat for a month than have no sex!" The Italians arms where crossed, showing he was closed off but knowing him, he would soon warm up. Antonio shut his eyes and shook his head. "It was a different time, alright? That is like asking if I would go off and sail for months and kill all those people. Or if I still think the world is flat. If I had known what I know now, I wouldn't do those things. It was different, _I_ was different." He said and pulled the Italian over and this time, he didn't struggle so much just a small tense. "I love you, Lovino. Te adoro, I love you! I will scream it from rooftops, I'll shout it at the next meeting if you want. In every language I know!" It was loud, but determined, after all, trying to get the point across that he was not the same nation as he was right now. Which was the person Lovino loved, not the pirate.

"I am not those sins anymore alright?" he hugged his little angry boyfriend now refusing to let go not letting him back away from him now. "I will not ever make love with you, alright? But I will marry you one of these days." He almost whispered it and he knew that was the right thing to say right then because he felt the arms uncross and hug him back. "I'm going to hold you to that." Was what Lovino had mumbled into his chest. "I'm _not_ wearing a dress," he added after a moment and Antonio burst into a chuckle. "Of course not! That's me you silly." He snickered. "Why on earth would you think that _you_ would be the one in the dress?" Then Lovino started to laugh as well at the image of Antonio, all big and muscular in a tight white dress walking up to him. In truth, Lovino would not put it behind him to actually do it if they were ever able to have a wedding. "Let's go make you something to eat hmm? I got gardening to do later, so better hurry." Antonio nearly chirped and he could tell Lovino was rolling his eyes, but that he was almost smiling as well. And in his book, that was good enough.


	6. The talk

((Wowwie its been a while since I've given y'all a new chapter! Well.. I guess we'll have some fluff for a while~))

There was a temporary feeling of calm in the house. Not one of stress or what was betrayal felt like in it for a while. No, both parties had relaxed and decided to have a talk in a little while. First, they needed to calm down and get comfortable opening up in ways that would hurt them. This required some time to think and not be totally emotionally driven. Lovino was often emotionally driven. The two of them still joking around, light things about Antonio in the wedding dress, the type of wedding they might have. How they would be the kind to have cats instead of kids, and their kids would be their cats. They joked about summer vacations with these cats and building a cat room for all of them. Decked out in all the stuff of kitty dreams. The two did this curled up together on the couch. Antonio's arm around the Italian as he laughed and smiled and teased Antonio for being a nerd. But his nerd after all.

This is how fights happened. They were random and sometimes out of no were, one of them ending up bottling issues up. Holding it there like an awful wine until you couldn't help but open that bottle up. It had aged too long and it hurt to carry so it ended up shattering before a glass could be poured to discuss the issue. This hadn't been the case here, however, because of how this had happened enough times over the years they had a formula for how to get over a fight. Not like their friends who went for sex, or even avoiding the issue. They were mature enough to talk about it as long as it was in a neutral space aka the kitchen and a couple other things which they had even written down at one point and stuck it in each of their nightstands as a reminder so that neither one of them attempted to get away with it.

1) Must be in a place that is both of ours that not the bedroom.  
2) Both of us have to be calmed down enough from the fight to offer suggestions on how to fix the problem  
3) We might try to fix it. Not ignore it.  
4) We must talk about it. No more than a 10 hours after the fight.

And both of their least favourite ones but the most important one was;

5) No kissing until the fight has been dealt with. No loopholes here, no lips, face, shoulders, anywhere until it's done.

They both hated it, not being able to kiss each other for comfort. It had become a comfort early on in their relationship, after all, nuzzles and kisses. It was the way they forced each other to talk about it, how long could they go knowing they could not kiss each other until whatever had caused them issues was dealt with and made a way to make sure it wasn't an issue again. OF course, they still had nuzzles of course. Which is why currently Lovino is contently nuzzled into Antonio's neck as the tv provided background noise and he just kept rubbing his nose against the neck wishing he could kiss it but it was too soon to talk about it. Neither knew how to fix it, how to keep it from happening again so he just nuzzled and occasionally had pulled away to do the same to Antonio's nose. This was an exception to the kissing rule, Eskimo kissing was allowed as it wasn't the same feeling but close enough that it was comforting during times like this.

"We should go on a vacation soon," Antonio said suddenly, the topic had been the cat room up until this moment. It caused Lovino to try and follow his boyfriend's train of thought but gave up a minute later. "Oh?" He had asked, a little confused where the idea had come from. "Where too?" He had added pulling away from hiding his face away and rather looking at Antonio's eyes again. Antonio hummed and nodded, it seemed he was trying to put a picture into words they'd both understand. "We could play tourist instead of the guides for once." He had explained. "I don't know where we'd go... Maybe London a week Eyebrows isn't around?" He asked thinking out loud at this point. He found it helpful to get his boyfriends opinion on these things. "It rains a lot there. Wouldn't be ideal for a vacation, mi angelo." The Italian mumbled, thinking about it himself as he held onto his boyfriend's hand. After a minute longer of attempting to think of something he simply looked to Antonio and smiled softly. "Do you think we can think rationally about the fight now?" He had asked. They both had to be up to it after all. But the Spaniard agreed and they both.

The pair moved to go to sit in chairs in their kitchen, lights off but natural light flooded the room. They sat facing each other, hands being held tightly as each tried to figure out the best way to go about this. But in the end, Lovino just ended up blurting what he felt not what he knew was best.

"I hate being lied to." was the first thing out of his mouth, eyes straight onto his partner as he spoke. Wanting to sure that Antonio wasn't lying about anything else. He had extreme trust issues, he only trusted two people in this world. Antonio, and his brother. One of which was up for debate at this very moment. He watched as Antonio gave a nod, allowing time for Lovino to start to ramble as he often did. Which he did here. "I just feel so awful about it. I want to be able to want it. And if it's really not ok. That's fine we can break up... Or talk about something else. Like an open relationship or some shit. But dammit Tonio. I need to know if it bothers you. I need to know if it's really that important that you're going to risk me hating you for whole mornings because you went complaining with your drinking buddies." Lovino spoke, Antonio listened and once it went quite again Antonio took his turn. "I don't want to be with anyone else. I don't want an open relationship." He clarified first and foremost. That seemed the most important to him. "I am... Hurt by the fact that you didn't tell me sooner. But I can get over that because I know now, and I won't keep forcing the hints towards you because I know you don't want that."

There was a pause, heavy air but not awkward so much as it was giving room for each of them to hurt the other if they so wished. Not that either would do so on purpose.

"I know I keep bringing up the same stuff. That I just want you, just want you happy and content and with me. That I am the one that's got the issues. But I make things about me too much sometimes. And you need to be comfortable telling me what is ok and what isn't." Antonio added after the pause. It seemed a natural way to go. "We could write it down?" He offered but he watched his boyfriend shake his head. "That won't work." Was huffed and Antonio gave a squeeze to his hands. "Why?" He asked trying to open minded, but it had been a short time since he even was given the concept, much less how complex it could be. "Well..." another pause, this one left by his boyfriend. "Because sometimes it changes."

Antonio sat there watching Lovino, trying to understand. He really was trying. "What do you mean it changes?" He asked again, this time, a hint of confusion found in his voice. "I mean. It changes. Sometimes... The idea of it isn't awful, but still not something I'd want to do. Like if I think about it being one sided I might be ok." He bit his lip. "Key word being might." He mumbled before continuing his explanation. He really didn't know what it was either, words were simply spilling out of him at this point. Trying to be understood. "But other times, the idea of it. Any kind. It makes me want to throw up right then and there. Sometimes making out is too much."

Antonio seemed to think about this for a moment and gave a nod. "So... A scale maybe? Or a different level of things and we could move a point on it to show what's okay right then?" Again, thinking out loud, he then laughed. "Ha, we could put it on our fridge!" He joked before he felt a squeeze on his hand and he offered one back. He saw a small nod. "I think that would work..." Lovino thought about it. "But I don't know when we would make that?" He seemed worried. Antonio shrugged in turn, not sure about it but they would do it together. "It's alright we can do that after you go visit Feli today, after dinner or we could talk about it at dinner what's okay today. What kind of thing you want on it. What would be pointless on that kind of scale." He had offered and let go of Lovino's hand to place it on his shoulder instead. "I promise, I won't complain about it to anyone. I am blessed to have your vino~ I didn't know about how you felt when I was talking about it. I promise it'll never happen again."

This time, Lovino trusted the words enough to let go of the one hand he still had on Antonio's and let out a sigh. "I love you so damn much." He mumbled and was soon captured in a hug. One he happily returned and just stayed like that for a little while. Hugging the love of his life figuring now that the talk was over. That he could kiss those damn lips he missed so much in these moments. They kissed for as long as they could hold their breath. When they broke from it reality came crashing onto Lovino. He had to go visit his brother. He had to go make sure he was ok. Taking his meds. Not being corrupted. Needed to go have lunch with him despite it going on 3 pm. He looked at Antonio his hazel eyes wide as he realised this and Antonio laughed. "Better get going then." Sometimes, they loved


End file.
